How Triggering Can Open Us Up to Our Power (which Only Feels Absent Because it was Present To Begin With)
“Your power only feels absent because it has been felt so deeply in every fibre of your being - and it’s still there.” ~ Nicole Barton
This month, in August, our theme in the Secret Witch Circle Facebook group is all about opening to your power - and it has occurred to me that usually, it is a surprise to many of the women I work with just how *almightily* powerful they really are! It’s not that she hides her power from the world on purpose; it’s that it’s totally unexpected to her that she’s actually a powerful Creatrix capable of creating a magical life.
In fact, often, she will likely be jealous of others’ power and it may even trigger her to see other powerful women creating their big dreams - though this may all be an unconscious triggering. I know this, because I’ve been there. One of my own coaches has triggered me in some powerful ways along the journey - I know she used to say things that would have me like “she’s talking nonsense” - and though by the time I found her I didn’t feel this way, I know at one time in my life I’d have likely labeled her as some not very nice things and been very jealous of her! For example, in the past I’d have labeled her as “egotistical,” and an “over-the-top know-it-all”. What was happening here, that I see now, is she was *activating* within me the traits that I couldn’t yet see I was capable of that she was already embodying. Instead of seeing my own essence as ‘leader’ and ‘radiance’ (which were what my coach embodied in this instance), I would demonise her, firmly, from shadow, coming from a place of not seeing my own gifts and potential, and instead seeing her from my wounded stories. This was me in the shadow of my Radiant Leader, being triggered and activated from the desires I’d pushed into the darkness. These days, I see her (and other powerful women) as inspiring - and that’s a sign of my own rising Majesty as I choose into new ways of being, myself.
I remember the first time she triggered me was years ago when she was talking about writing a book and said that we needed to take “aligned action.” At the time, I was heavily entrenched in the path of Ascension (if you’ve not listened to my podcast on this, you can find it here) and so I was very much of the idea that we didn’t need to “do anything” except let life flow (cue my Masculine wounding, which has since been illuminated and freed up a lot of energy!). And so, at the time, the idea of action was not a fun one for me - I remember being triggered somewhat onto the path, and eventually discovering that she was right, and aligned-action *is* the way of Soul. Ironically, I still haven’t written a book, but that’s in my long-term vision for future! But, what that triggering has offered me is the path into my power - I’ve seen a new way of being in my power, and chosen into much more aligned actions for myself in this moment that have helped me step into becoming the powerful leader that I long & longed to be!
The point is, we often get triggered and activated into our power. Secret Witches (who aren’t just people just playing with potions for fun, by the way, it’s my phrase for those fiercely powerful Creators who keep their power hidden because they can’t even see it!) won’t realise that’s what is happening as they sit there feeling angry and jealous, but these emotions are actually *gold*. So, if you’re ever feeling triggered, know that this is something to celebrate as an activating first glimpse into reclaiming your power. These seemingly difficult feelings, emotions and sensations - these icky feeling triggers that wear us out, they are actually triggering us into expansion.
It’s emotions and sensations like this that often we avoid in life - particularly the Secret Witch; she will either bypass the difficult ones and try and evade her glorious body, or often (if you’re being like I have been) dive head first into the anger and the jealousy and go round and round in shadow until you’re exhausted. So, instead of these shadowy ways of avoiding the Powerful Creators we came here to be, I’m offering you the deeper invitation into using them as ways of illuminating our power and exposing it as that.
I once heard someone say that if something feels *absent,* then it usually means it is because it was once *present.* I feel this way about the Secret Witch’s power because often, she will have a dull fear that she’s here for more but she’s not quite achieving what she’s meant to. She will have a sense that she was here to do something *bigger* to create *more* magic than she currently is. So, whilst her power feels lacking, it can only be felt that way because it was once present.
Likely, what’s happened is that there’s a whole heap of shame, fear, guilt, jealousy, self-doubt and mundane ways of being that are simply keeping that power in the darkness. That was the case for me, and so I know the Witch archetype is a powerful Creatrix who deeply feels the absence of her power as shame in every cell of her being. She feels the absence of her power - *and* this is only because her power was there in the first place. *And* it also likely serves her in some way to keep her power absent, too, which makes it all the harder to really, truly step up to find! Exposing our power is as vulnerable as it sounds.
So, if you are sitting there, reading this, feeling the dull ache of fear, shame and guilt because you have the sense you are here for *more* but you still don’t know what that is, know that it is all welcome and celebrate it as the first step onto the path. This powerful illumination offers you a choice to walk the path at your own pace and begin to allow yourself to get back in touch with your inner power - with your inner magic - with that space in you that senses there’s some Soulful gift you came here to live - some Majesty that you came here to embody. And, eventually, you’ll be able to illuminate enough shadowy darkness that you are, once more, back in touch with the beautiful bodily sensations and feelings of desire, of your dreams, and of your heart’s deepest longings. And you’ll be feeling a lot more alive and fulfilled than ever before.
Because, from where you are right now, that itself might feel a daunting step - to dream is to admit your power, and that will require a lot of tending, but it’s so worth it! Where you are, you’ll feel exhausted and possibly a little bit hopeless at times. It will feel tricky. But I can 100% promise you that when you choose to step into the portal of transformation that leads you into your power, your Majesty will be rewarded with the rediscovery of your gifts.
The first step is simply opening, letting yourself be vulnerable enough and loving yourself enough - and I mean *all* of you, the shame, fears, doubts, guilt, unworthiness, lack of self-confidence - to even show up and allow yourself to look. I know your power is secret to you, but I sense that you also know that it is present, somewhere, else you’d not be looking for it.
In today’s modern world, so many powerful women are living mundane lives because they unconsciously sell themselves short to secure the love, approval and safety of a spiritless society that doesn’t see this deeper truth - instead of living as their magical, powerful, soulful selves. If you are ready to follow the next breadcrumb along the path into discovering your powerful majesty, I’ve created a beautiful, free New Moon Circle to take the tender first steps of Living Your Wild Alchemy. It’s called Manifesting with the Moon, and it’s a monthly gathering of Witch Sisters seeking to manifest magical lives on their terms. Get up close and intimate with me - book your free ticket join us at https://www.nicolebarton.co.uk/moon-circle. And, if that’s too much, at the stage you’re at, why not just hop into our Facebook community and sit with us there for a while? Join us here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/secretwitch
I look forward to witnessing your beautiful and majestic opening - triggers and all!
With love,
Nicole x
