Learning From Messy Misunderstanding
Sometimes we miss what is right in front of our eyes.
We can get so caught in our stories that we can't see what's real.
For years, I felt misunderstood. I felt trapped in a box of judgement. A box of seemingly conditional love.
My love, I know you've been there.
In the longing to step into who you are,
In the feeling of fear that the you that you want to be
Quite simply won't be enough, and won't be loved.
That gripping tightness around your heart that feels shameful and lost.
But it isn't true.
I've simply come to see that we oursleves create the boxes that keep us trapped there.
I've watched recently as I've transformed. And in response the external has transformed with me.
Because we create our experience of the external.
Instead of resisting judgement,
I have boldly stepped directly into the face of it.
And there was no decision to be made, no analysis to do in order to take that step,
But a decision was made.
And so, one day, just like that, I stepped into who I really am.
All of the messy, scary, fearful, vulnerable, disgusting and unknown pieces of myself.
I simply followed what I felt to be my truth, regardless of what people will say or think.
And its uncomfortable, my darling, it really is.
I'm not saying it feels easy.
But when was easy ever useful for our growth?
And in the messiness of our deepest suffering I've learned so much.
I've learned that what we resist stays,
And in the acceptance of being judged,
I see something deeper.
I see that the only person judging me,
Because you can't argue with the truth, my love.
When you stand in who you are,
The world melts into acceptance.
You melt into acceptance.
And with acceptance, you return to love;
To the deeper truth.
As you see that the people you most feared judgement from,
Are actually responding to your messiness, and you new found joy, with only love and respect.
And all of a sudden, regardless of all of the feelings,
You remember that it is in this messy moment -
The only moment we have -
That we see we are already whole.
We are perfectly imperfect
And we, ourselves, already are love.