Scanning for Vulnerability
I saw something today. I saw a little girl, standing in front of her dad, asking him to love her,
As he walked away.
I saw a little girl, learning that the world wasn't safe, and that if you didn't quite just behave how the world expected,
You would be outcast, thrown away and unheard,
And in that moment, right there, everything would feel very horribly uncomfortable.
As if, somehow, you just weren't enough.
My love, I saw a little girl become a bigger girl, who forever scanned the world, looking for attack, scanning for judgement and feeling unsafe.
Trying to stay away from the discomfort of feeling she had done something wrong. When she hadn't.
And then, just like that, I saw something different unfold. I saw myself step out of this movie and into the real world,
As myself. As who I really am, underneath all of the stories of my conditioned mind.
Standing tall, and getting comfortable with vulnerability. Having the courage to be bold, but the gentleness to hold myself in the stories that arise as we begin to truly, bravely, step into being seen.
Knowing that whatever I meet, I am still always okay.
I saw that sometimes, whilst there's nothing to do, we can still keep doing.
Still keep going; even if we don't know where,
And we don't know who will join us or leave us along the way.
And, even when we aren't quite sure of ourselves,
Or how other people will feel about us,
I realised, beautiful soul, that this is okay, too.
Because, as we tiptoe through all of the discomfort, we see that we don't really need to be sure, and we don't need to feel comfortable, and we don't even need to be liked -
Because we can find solice in the warmth of our own wisdom.
Blooming like a rose, that knows it was planted there for a reason, knowing that the discomfort of its ugly thorns is simply part of life, but we are beautiful anyway.
And we see, once more, that the only thing we ever really do need to know is that we are safe in our courageous discomfort;
In the beautiful and gentle vulnerability of being who we really are.