Trembling Into The Unknown
She's not sure exactly what happened - quite how she ended up here - but she has.
It seemed to just unfold that way.
One minute she was in the life she'd always known, the next she hurtled into the vast space of unknown,
Her hands shaking, her breath shallow,
As she froze, curled up tightly in bed, gently sipping her coffee
And wondering how she is meant to go forward with life now.
A darkness sets in, a panic, too, and for a moment she feels she is out of her body, watching over herself as she sees all of the stories swirling round in her head.
Sitting there, she gasps for air, her throat closing, her whole body trembling, her shoulders around her ears, and her ribs stiffly held in, as she continues to sit, paralysed, in the unknown.
This is a new place for her. A place where breath feels as if it might never return, as she free falls into life, unsure if there will be a net to catch her.
And then she remembers, she doesn't need to know - and the net doesn't even exist.
It was all an illusion.
My love, all she really needs to do is to trust, and to remember that this isn't how it really works. These thoughts are not who she really is.
And, as she settles deeply into the truth, she begins to inhale into her body once more, knowing that who she really is, is untouchable.
Knowing that there is really never anything to know, and only this present moment to be in.
And she holds herself here, walking her arms softly around her trembling body, and she sits in the sadness, and the freedom, and the fear, and the excitement - all at once. And she exhales all her needing to know.
And then, in the midst of it all, very suddenly, a settledness reappears as she glimpses that she creates her own reality.
She remembers the transcendent possibility that, just maybe, wisdom already knows.
And in that moment, she remembers why it happened this way.
This is where she is meant to be. She is part of a much more beautiful greater plan, and she doesn't need to know; in fact, she can't.
And so, she just steps a trembling foot forwards,
And keeps going.
Knowing the truth, that who we really are is always OK.